Need, Need, Need

The simplest things reach inside me and make me into something else. Pressure to say the right words, or perform in the best way possible. I only needed to encourage someone. Easy enough for me; I like seeing people perk up.
     This one wasn't a simple case. Pain was involved that I can only begin to grasp from afar. Frustration with God Himself, thoughts of punishment and self-pity. How could I help, I who's been given endless blessings, overflowing?
     I still don't know how to answer that, but I found out something else tonight. God feels our nerves and pain when things are hard, but He also likes it. It sounds weird and calloused, but it broke my heart when I thought it through. The hurt He shares with us is worth it, and doubled since His loved ones are hurting. Why is it worth it, and why does He love those moments of pain?
     If you're ready to burst with joy because everything in your life is going wonderfully, you overflow with praise for a while. But soon, you get used to the joy, and if given years of it, we would forget Him. I begin to forget Him after just a few days of perfect circumstances.
     When the pressure turns on, and I can't rely on myself, that's when I beg Him to come. Hard things, cruelty, abuse, stretching things, anger, deceit, hypocrisy from others...when these come, I need, need, NEED Him. I don't stop talking to Him. Nothing can tear my eyes from His face, because I can see the cliff I'll fall off if I do.
     I have a new perspective on hard things, now. I'm endlessly selfish, and this seems to be the only way to make me be who God made me to be. Utterly dependent. Nothing I can do on my own. It made me feel like an idiot that I need to go through hard things to be close to Him, but that's how it is. Not always. I just forget easily. I know God loves who I'm made to be after a changing experience, but He likes to see it happen, too.  The hard things don't seem so hard when they're nudging me toward the One I love the most.